A Much Needed Update

Hello everyone!

I have been MIA on this here bloggeroo for about 6 months now, and I feel like even though I've been active on social media, I owe an explanation here as to what I've been up to, where in the world I am, and what's been happening in my life since June.

Well, the first update is I got married! We drove across the country from Los Angeles to Detroit in a 1977 Dodge RV with our 2 dogs in June, then tied the knot on June 24th.

It was the most perfect day and was totally worth the stress I put myself through, but I'll go more in depth on my wedding day in another post because I just have so much I want to reflect on about that. But, the short story is I got married and it was so fun.

Photo by GB Photography

What happened after the wedding day, though, ended up being a grand, unexpected adventure. This is an optimistic way of putting it :)

First, we bought a new car right after the wedding (as in, the Wednesday after our wedding day). It was my dream car, a Subaru Outback. We decided to buy it after I deemed our RV unreliable to make the trip back to California after the wedding. We needed a way to transport the dogs back, and investing in a new car seemed logical.

The weekend after our wedding, I photographed our friend and wedding photographer's wedding, a wedding which my husband was the best man. It was all fun and games until the officiant ran up to me, just an hour before the ceremony was about to start, asking me what the bride and groom drove because "a bus just totaled a car in the parking lot."

My husband ran up moments later, exasperated, "It's our car, Casey. The bus hit our car."

Our brand new, 3-day-old car had an estimated $8000 worth of damages after a school bus had come out of park and rolled down a hill directly into the back of it. Luckily, by some miracle, no one was injured. Except, of course, our new car.

That happened on July 1st. The collision center estimated 4-6 weeks for us to get the car back. I had a wedding in LA on July 15th that I needed to be back for. We had no way of transporting our dogs back without a car (I refuse to risk flying with them, as the stress can cause death in dogs), I really didn't want to risk breaking down in the middle of the country in our RV, and so I had no choice but to fly back alone. My husband, thank goodness, is self-employed and able to work remotely, so he volunteered as tribute to live in Michigan at his mom's with our dogs (thanks, Mom!) while the car got fixed. I flew back to LA the first week of July and shot the weddings I was contracted for, and planned to fly back to Michigan in August when the car was repaired and make the cross-country trip back which we intended to make after the wedding.

So, the first 5 weeks of our marriage were destined to be spent without each other in separate states.

(People weren't joking when they said marriage changes everything! HAH.)

During this time, without my husband or my dogs, I had a lot of time to really reflect on our future, as both small business owners and a family. We had already been discussing moving out of Los Angeles sometime within the next 5 years, but I had an inclination that the accident was the universe's way of telling us, "It's time."

We decided to turn lemons into lemonade, and move to Michigan to be closer to our families and try and grow our businesses there while a bunch of our stuff (from the wedding and road trip) and our dogs were already there. For anyone who knows what it's like living far away from family, you understand how difficult it is as you get older to make time to visit, especially on important days like holidays. Combine that with the growing difficulty and cost of living in a major city, the pros of moving just seemed to outweigh the cons. We never saw ourselves affording property in California, I never really saw an end game in my business, I had qualms about raising my future children in a big city, and I felt like I had accomplished way more in my almost 10 years in LA than I ever would've expected before I went out there.

I could hang my hat on this period of my life and look back on it fondly and proudly.

That's my painting, and the most full-circle LA story I have.

So, we spent the next 3 months looking for a new place to live, packing up our entire life in LA, flying back and forth for contracted weddings, driving across the country one more time, and rebuilding our network of industry contacts in a totally new place we've never worked before. It was an extremely daunting task.

Our cute house in Michigan.

During this time, I went through every emotion. I was excited and exhilarated for this new challenge, but really sad at the same time that I was leaving a place I considered a home, regular and reliable gigs, clients I adored, and friends I loved on the West Coast.

I felt anxiety every day.

Despite my best efforts to stay organized, some parts of the move were just a big mess. I found myself traveling for work and feeling myself get further and further behind as my attention was split in so many directions. For the first time I felt a little out of place, like I was trying to acclimate to a new country altogether, not a new state. It was an almost out-of-body experience trying to explain what was happening, so I just stopped trying.

The goodbye cake from my girls at Oh Joy!

But we got through it. I've started booking more work in Michigan for 2018 (I won't have to travel by plane for every wedding, thank goodness!), and I am seeing a positive turn for both my husband and I for quality of life, our businesses, and everything that we've built up to this point together.

After this experience, I am finally starting to feel caught up on both work and happiness. I truly do feel like taking risks like this is necessary for progressing in life, and challenging yourself is the one thing that make life worth living. When it came to my goals, everything started to point away from Los Angeles. I started to realize my priorities were changing, and a fresh start seemed like a really good choice for us.

"Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing." - Michael Scott

So, that's what's been up with me. I promise I will be blogging more again because it was one thing that brought me a lot of joy last year. I'm also focusing on a new personal project, which I'm really excited to share when it all comes together.

As this year comes to a close, I'm taking this time to reflect on everything I'm grateful for and how life can change in an instant. I'm dedicated to moving forward with a positive outlook and learning from mistakes, bettering my business, and pursuing what makes me happy. 

And I'm never moving across the country again. 

(At least not for another 10 years.)

Bring it on, 2018.

What I learned from working in the Paparazzi Industry

I visited Los Angeles for the first time in January of 2009 and I moved here in February 2009. The sole reason I was able to move to Los Angeles at that time was because it was the first place I was able to find a well paying job somewhat related to the industry I was attempting to break into. It had a lot to do with the economy at the time. The housing market crashed, Wall Street came to a dead stop and hiring in New York City came to a standstill.

I came to LA to visit a friend of mine, and I instantly fell in love with the city. It was nothing like New York. It was SO BIG. There was so much space to move around! There were mountains to hike on IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY! It was WARM in January!

I started applying to jobs in Los Angeles. The job I ended up landing was a photo editing position for a company I had known because of my internships in New York the prior year. It was with a celebrity photo agency. That's basically a nice way of saying "paparazzi photo house."

The face of someone with Stockholm Syndrome.

I was honestly the perfect fit for this job at the time. I was young and loved reading gossip blogs like TMZ and Perez Hilton-- I was sucked in by the Britney Incident of 2007. Plus, I had already made connections at publications in New York, so editing and marketing paparazzi photos felt like it was going to be the easiest and most fun job in the world. 

And it was, in the beginning.

The office was in a 3-story loft in one of the trendiest areas of LA: Larchmont Village. I worked in an office of 5 other women-- all attractive and in their 20s. I know, this sounds like a bad romantic comedy already. It was great.

I instantly clicked with these girls. They not only were pretty but were all hilariously funny and sweet. I laughed all day. We watched Oprah every day until that went off the air and then we watched Ellen every day. We rarely left the office so we would eat our meals together and talk about everything. Our bosses were hardly ever there. These girls became my family.

My only job was to read gossip magazines and blogs, straighten and color correct photos, and create stories to go along with caption-less pictures of celebrities. 

And I got to bring my puppy to work with me. It wasn't all bad.

I learned about the Daily Mail and ate up gossip about British socialites with names of fruit and fairies. I learned how to edit photos in bulk and how to pitch an exclusive story. I learned that publicists alerted paps when their client would go shopping or to lunch with a new "date." I learned the way publicity worked in Hollywood. I learned how to get free clothes by deciphering the stitching on a butt or the cut of a purse and pitch those photos to the designers' PR agency.

I learned that I could never turn my phone off because someone important might die and I will have to drop everything I'm doing to scroll through our archive and combine all their photos in a gallery to send off to publications and monetize off their death.

I learned how desperate people were to make money on all sides of the business. 

I learned how people other than the paps make money off these photos. Like the mom who tipped us about her underaged daughters on the beach in bikinis. Or the boyfriend who brought one of our paps on the vacation with him and his actress girlfriend so he could make money off of the photos. 

But I think the biggest thing I learned while I worked there was how important it is to stand up for yourself.

You see, I worked for a man who had been in the business since the 70s. He was a force, to put it lightly. He was intriguing to talk to and had lengthy, grandiose insider stories about celebrities so famous both you and your grandma know who they are. He had a booming voice in an accent so thick I often couldn't understand what he was saying. He also had the worst temper I had ever seen.

For years I put up with verbal abuse. But it was tolerable verbal abuse because I only had to see him a handful of times a week for less than an hour. When he came in happy he would bring treats, like donuts or small gifts.

One time after a particularly bad episode he bought me a Venus fly trap, which was an interesting apology gift to receive to say the least. Not only did I have to figure out how to keep the thing alive but the f*cking thing had teeth. 

He'd fire us if we talked back, or defended ourselves, or if there was a decline of bikini photos that week. He'd fire us if we left anything where it wasn't supposed to be. He'd fire us if the towels weren't washed (not our job) or if we forgot to bring in a plant (also not our job).

He'd hire us back immediately, of course, and hoped we had "learned our lesson."

He'd tell me my pants were fitting too tight and would leave diet pills on my desk.

He once threatened to fire me because I refused to write an obituary for someone who wasn't dead yet.

He once fired me for leaving a loaf of bread in the kitchen because I had an "attitude" when I told him it was leftover from my sandwich at lunch and I planned on bringing it home that night.

His abuse became so bad that I'd often come home in tears and my boyfriend wanted to teach him his own lesson (which I appreciated but wouldn't allow). 

Honestly, working in that industry was a lot like that Venus Fly Trap. It was an oddly alluring yet horribly dangerous industry to be a part of. One of our paps died while on the job. We all became accustomed to hateful words being thrown at us by both our boss and the public. I even received a death threat once.

It finally all came to an end when the company collapsed and had to be sold to a major stock agency. I was let go and soon afterwards began to work for Oh Joy! 

The people I worked with are all still connected to each other because we all experienced a form of Stockholm Syndrome by working there. We all are successful and doing different things, several of us are wedding photographers (and can you blame us? When you go through all that you just want to go to a job where everyone is happy!).

It took me a while to gain my confidence back after my experience there. The most important thing I learned was that it's important to stand up for yourself. I could've left, but the steady pay blinded me from keeping myself sane.

I learned that no matter how hopeless it seems, you can always change the situation you're in. It just takes some help and support to make it happen. Nothing is worth being unhappy or putting up with abuse of any kind.

I also learned that I don't give a f*ck about celebrity gossip.

 

Donating your wedding dress and other ways to continue the love after the wedding

I don't know if you've heard this before but weddings are really expensive. Even the not-expensive weddings are expensive. And for one day that takes a year of saving and planning for, sometimes it can feel like a giant waste of money.

As I draw closer to my own wedding day (June 24th! less than 50 days away!), I keep wondering what happens after the wedding. Not the "happily ever after" part, but the "what the hell do I do with all these flowers?" part.

So I asked married folks what they did, and their answers were both unexpected and surprising.

1. Donate your dress to someone in need.

I didn't even know this was a thing, but there are several organizations that will take your wedding dress and give it to someone who is in need, whether they are financially unable or forced to rush their plans because of a terminal illness. It seems like a much more fulfilling way to keep the love going instead of keeping it in a box in your closet.

2. Bring your flowers to a nursing home.

Many hospice care centers, hospitals, nursing homes and women's shelters accept donations of flowers. Consider contacting a place near your venue for delivery the morning after your wedding. Usually those places only get the sad kind of flowers. Cheer up someone's day with happy flowers.

3. Talk to your caterer about donating leftover food.

As long as it's safe, many caterers will do the best they can to donate food to nearby food banks and shelters like the Ronald McDonald House. Talk to your caterer about options that won't let all that food go to waste.

4. Give your guests a wedding favor that will last for generations.

A lot of wedding favors are simply discarded after a wedding. It's not that you don't want to use it, but many people just don't need a coaster with your name and wedding date engraved in it. Instead of using that money to spend on glorified garbage, there are organizations that plant trees for as little as $1 per person. That's like a whole forest worth depending on the length of your guest list! I also love seed paper to deliver the message on, so they can still have a token they can bring home and plant themselves.

I'm sure there are more that I'm forgetting, but this is a good start to making you feel extra good about that huge investment. And in a certain way, it makes it more special knowing that your happy day was making others' happy as well.

Sincerely,

Bride Brain Brodley

Should we do a First Look? First Hand advice from real brides on why they decided to keep or break tradition

I feel like this topic is something many of my couples struggle with when figuring out their wedding day timeline. It may not seem like a big deal, but in my opinion, the First Look is actually the most important moment of the day besides the actual vows.

Why?

Because even though there isn't really a "surprise" (most couples this day in age have seen each other before their wedding day), it IS the first "Oh shit, this is actually happening" moment of the day. Whether that moment happens when the the bride arrives at the end of the aisle and sees her soon-to-be spouse at the other end, or if it happens just before the ceremony away from prying eyes is the ultimate decision.

If you asked any wedding photographer, I guarantee that 9 times out of 10 their answer will be to always do your First Look photos before the ceremony. There are many reasons I like to do them:

• It gets formal portraits out of the way before the day really begins
• It gives my couples a moment alone together (something they probably won't get after the ceremony)
• It allows the couple to get some of the nerves (and tears!) out of the way
• It gives the timeline an opening for the newlyweds to join cocktail hour and get straight to the partying, without needing to be swept away for an hour's worth of portraits

But even knowing all the benefits of having a first look, there is still something that feels so wrong about breaking the tradition of seeing your spouse for the first time as they are walking down the aisle. Also, there is this superstition that it's "bad luck" to see the bride before the ceremony.

So, I thought, instead of taking it from a photographer's perspective (which is almost always the same, and what do we know anyway, right?), why not interview my past brides on their first-hand First Look experience? 

Here are their experiences:

Rae, married october 2016 in Sunapee, nh

Did you choose to do a first look (yes/no)? Yes

Why/why not? A first look was one of the first things after the venue that we decided on. From both an emotional standpoint and a timeline practicality, it just made sense. You always hear that the day goes so fast (and it does), and we thought a first look would be the best way to guarantee a special moment just the two of us. Because we saw eachother before the ceremony, it also allowed us to take all family and wedding party photos before hand, so we did our receiving line during cocktail hour and had the rest of the night to enjoy. 

Were you happy with your decision? Very; it was honestly my favorite part of the day. It was literally the only time we had to just be the two of us without being pulled in multiple directions. It was raining, and very, very cold, but when I saw Mikal none of that mattered anymore. We were both completely in the moment and it was just us. Afterwards, we met the wedding party and immediate family, and were able to get all photos in before the ceremony started, which made everything much more relaxed and allowed us to join the festivities sooner (and have better light for photos!) 

Any advice for couples still trying to decide? Some skeptics said to us it was "bad luck" to see one another before we got married, but you and your husband make your own luck in your marriage through the time, effort, and love you put in. Not everyone was happy with our decision and were very vocal about it, but we made the call based on our needs as a couple. Whether you opt for a first look or not, make sure you steal at least 15 minutes of time for you and your partner to be alone - the day is about the two of you and your bond and that should be celebrated! 

Beeta, married July 2016 in Palos Verdes, CA:

Did you choose to do a first look (yes/no)? nope 

Why/why not? before our own wedding, I found a lot of the staged photography to be cheesy. I really wanted a photographer (hi Casey!) who could capture all that emotion in real time without having to remove ourselves from everything that was going on. i also wanted to keep my dress a surprise until the ceremony. and if you go through our wedding photos, you can tell which photos were staged-- not because of the poses, but because my energy level in them is at an absolute zero!!! 

Were you happy with your decision? yes. also -- it wasn't my intention to make my partner cry or anything!! But I don't think the emotional impact would have been there if he saw me for the first time outside of the ceremony. and yeah he teared up when he saw me. 

Any advice for couples still trying to decide? honestly, trying to remember details about the wedding is such a blur. prioritize what you want to remember, and have that photographed/filmed -- for us, the ceremony ranked #1. 

Lena, married in August 2016 in Big Bear, CA:

Did you choose to do a first look (yes/no)? Yes and no. We decided to do a non traditional first look.

Why/why not? We already had a small church wedding, but we didn't want to lose the opportunity to take a different type of couple photo besides just portraits. We chose to read letters that we wrote to each other with a faux first look. Even better was that our wedding venue had just the perfect place to do it, which was chosen by Casey of course.

Were you happy with your decision? It was an easy decision for us to choose to do it. It was worth it even though we had done it regardless of already seeing each other in our full attire, etc. We got to capture an intimate moment of sharing our written thoughts to each other. The super bonus was that the photos from that mini-shoot were definitely some of our top faves.

Any advice for couples still trying to decide? I believe the decision should be made based on what you want as a couple. It is most definitely not required. The first look is an opportunity to capture an intimate moment away from the hustle and bustle of the wedding, just the two of you experiencing each other for the first time before you start the journey of marriage. This does sound corny, but hey you guys are in love right? It is just a great emotional moment to capture. But remember, you could always tailor the experience to what you want, which is exactly what we did. 

Nasim, married December 2016 in Los Angeles, CA

Did you choose to do a first look (yes/no)? Yes! 

Why/why not? In the case of my wedding, it was a two-fold decision: First, I felt like seeing Juaquin in a more privatized moment before the ceremony in front of our family and friends would make for a more authentic, raw reaction. We'd each be more relaxed to whisper those sweet nothings, get to hug and hold each other and know that it was something just for us (and the invisible cameras) -- and that it would ease the nerves when we saw each other at the ceremony soon after. Incidentally, our "first look" ended up being one of the best parts of my wedding video because it felt like us in our natural state. Unabashed, sappy and genuine. The second part of the choice to do a first-look was simply logistics. It meant we could have more pre-ceremony time to take photos with each other (now that we've seen each other, it's free game!) and our wedding parties before we lost the light (our wedding was during the winter so it got dark by 5 o'clock) -- and photography was a huge priority for us (for me, who am I kidding?)

Were you happy with your decision? VERY. Like I had mentioned, our first-look was tear-filled, giggly and I got to drop an "Oh, shit" bomb which I knew I had to hold back on during the ceremony. Some of my favorite photos came from Juaquin's reaction and our expressions when we first saw each other. It was awesome. I still get choked up thinking about it.

Any advice for couples still trying to decide? My best advice would be to make the decision based on what the emotional value of a first-look is to you and your mate. Ask yourself how present you think you will be when you're walking out in front of all your friends and family. Will you remember the look on his / her face waiting for you at the end of the aisle? Do you want to cry but feel shy in front of a crowd? Do you want to stun and awe? Is there a religious or traditional implication before the first-look that you want to preserve? There are so many ways to go about it so as cliche as it may sound, make sure you're doing it for yourselves and not to please a traditional grandma or opinionated maid of honor. In that moment, the whole world should feel shut out - whether you're peeking out from behind a gold wall for a first-look or stopping and taking in the moment as you step out as a bride at your wedding ceremony. Close your eyes and envision the moment you want to remember forever.

Karen, married May 2015 in Culver City, CA

Did you choose to do a first look (yes/no)? yes

Why/why not? We did first look photos and I'm so glad we did for a few reasons: 

- It calmed my nerves to see David (the groom) before we walked down the aisle and vice versa. We had a few precious moments just for us. I really treasured that time. 

- Doing first look photos gave us an opportunity to spend more time together and take additional photos, which cut down on time we needed to take photos throughout the night. First look photos allowed us to spend more time with our guests during the reception. 

- We got to take photos in different locations, which was awesome! Exploring the venue and the surrounding area was so much fun. 

Any advice for couples still trying to decide? First look photos didn't by any means reduce the joy on David's face when I was walking down the aisle. Some brides might think that first look photos "ruin" the moment when the groom sees the bride walking down the aisle, but nothing can take away the joy on your groom's face when you're walking toward him to spend the rest of your life together.

So, as you can see, everyone is different. Some couples do nothing traditional but want this ONE moment to be the tradition they keep, because it can be the most emotional moment of the day. Some want to forego that tradition in favor of enjoying the party they paid so much for. Some just want to get the formal photos out of the way before the ceremony altogether! But no matter what, the consensus is you will not regret whatever you choose.

Ultimately, the ceremony doesn't end up being any less special whether or not you choose to do a first look.

There is no right answer. Do what you feel works best for you and your day. Don't let tradition or "what you are supposed to do" dictate how your day goes. 

*drops mic*

CB out

The Best Wedding Movies Of All Time

In celebration of finally bringing my wedding dress home this week (after almost a year after I bought it!) here's a list of my all-time favorite wedding movies that I'm going to force my fiancé to watch with me while we count down the days to our wedding (June 24th). 

Plus, of course, links to watch them online! Because I know ya wanna binge.*

1. The Wedding Singer

A movie you can grow old with.

2. The Princess Bride

This is the only instance where I like a movie MORE than the book

3. My Best Friend's Wedding

In which we all definitively learn that Jello can never be crème brulée.

4. The Wedding Planner (<-- Netflix Link)

The only thing I learned from this movie was that no one should hire Jennifer Lopez to plan their wedding.

6. Wedding Crashers

Because this is worth watching again just for the grandma.

7. Bridesmaids

Kristen Wiig is my sprit animal in this.

8. The Hangover

I'm so glad my bachelorette party didn't end this way... but it certainly felt like it.

9. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

I was seriously obsessed with this movie as a kid. What is more romantic than a story about kidnapping women out of their beds in the middle of the night and taking them prisoner for 8 months? But kidnapping aside, it's a fun musical and the guy that plays Benjamin is HOT.

10. In & Out

Because who wouldn't want to see Kevin Kline and Tom Selleck smooch?

11. Wet Hot American Summer (<-- Netflix Link)

OK, this is kind of a stretch, but for a movie (and now TV show) that has to do with summer camp, there are are a lot of references to weddings in it. Plus, it's my favorite movie of all time, and this is my blog, so I'll include this movie on EVERY list I make if I damn well please. McKinley and Ben... this is for you.

12. Sabrina (<-- Hulu Link)

The original, starring Audrey Hepburn. Because a classic love triangle between brothers is what every girl dreams about when finding her soulmate.

13. Melancholia (<-- Netlfix Link)

I thought this movie was really boring the first time I saw it, but I just rewatched it because it takes place the night of a wedding and holy wow what a gorgeous piece of art this movie is. I want to frame every scene on a wall in my house. Watch it for Kirsten Dunst's dress and the end of humanity. 

One glaringly missing option is Father of the Bride, which for some reason is only available for streaming if you live in Australia. But for those of you hardcore fans, here are the TV listings when you can see it next!

I know there are SO many more, so would love to hear what your favorites are!

Happy binging,

Casey

*Unless noted, all links go to Amazon Streaming Video.